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- By Megan Zickuhr
- Trail Staff Writer
Once again, I defer from my usual column to talk about something very important in every college student’s life — romance. I know this is reserved for the time around Valentine’s Day, but I felt so inspired. So here you are. My complete opinion on the delicate subject, though it may turn out to not be the most popular, I hope you enjoy!
The Myth
Most people would say they date to find out what they want in their future spouse. Observing and getting to know various other couples pretty much allows you to know what you want. If you see a man on TV who compliments his wife you think, “I want a husband like that.” Or if you see a woman who loves her children you think, “I want my wife to be just like that.” Isn’t that building up your personal criteria and preferences for your future spouse? Dating really won’t change much about what you want in the opposite sex if you’re secure enough to know what you want for yourself.
The Time and Money
This is an easy one. Dates are pricey! Guys, you know this. You’re supposed to pay for everything! The prices for dinner and movie tickets add up. Ladies, what about finding that perfect gift for him? It’s a lot of times over 30 bucks. And for us high schoolers, getting ready for college, paying for cell phone bills, car insurance, gas and clothes, we can’t afford a significant other. We can’t afford much time either. With jobs, exams, family, assignments and homework, when do we find time to date? (Holding hands in the hallway hardly counts as dating.) If we do find the time isn’t there something better we could be doing? (Think about it.)
The Breakup
Breaking up can be heart wrenching for anyone. Getting used to not calling him every night or sorting through her things, trying to figure out what to give back to her is no fun for anyone. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster it sends you on. Why? Why do people do this to themselves? Why go out for a few months knowing that chances are you won’t marry them (sorry to burst your bubble, but reality is hardly anyone marries their high school sweetheart) only to breakup and feel the heartache again? It makes no sense.
Just Friends
Many couples begin as “just friends” before attempting to further the friendship in a relationship. I love the irony accompanied with this thought process. The myth is that when two friends are good friends and they share all their secrets etc., becoming boyfriend and girlfriend messes all that up. You can’t share dark secrets anymore because it’s awkward (not to mention the amount of blackmail he has on you after the inevitable breakup). Why not preserve the already lovely friendship and leave it open to anything instead of ruining any chance you have in possibly marrying her. Here’s another news flash: After breakup, no one can fully restore the friendship there once was. It won’t happen. “Let’s just be friends” simply means, “we’re not going out anymore so let’s not hang out so much anymore. We’ll just casually acknowledge each other sometimes.” If you try to go back to being friends, there will always be awkwardness, especially when he or she gets a new significant other. There is always resentment there. A “I want to go egg his car” feeling.
The One
I am not a “down with dating” kind of person, honest. I just think it’s stupid unless you’re looking for someone to marry. (No! You won’t marry your high school sweetheart! Odds are incredibly slim! No you can’t overcome the odds! You will break up!) But what does dating actually accomplish? Another tally mark on your “guys I’ve dated” list? How many guys have you said “I love you” to? How many girls have you kissed? One more question: What are you going to say to your future spouse? “I love you... just like I loved Jim, and John, and Joe, and Jay, and ...” You said the same things to them and meant it, but now what? Do you really mean it this time? To me, love is like an orange. The goal is to give the whole orange, all your love, all of you with nothing missing, to your future spouse.
But dating takes away from your orange. Saying “I love you” to some one-month relationship gives a piece of your orange, your heart, to that guy. Kissing that eight-month-long-girlfriend gives a slice of yourself, that you can’t get back. Wouldn’t you rather give your whole self, all your love, all your orange to your husband or wife? Save yourself for him or her? That’s my plan.